At the heart of the Palm Beach season? The dinner party. In a town where grace outshines grandeur, etiquette expectations are second nature. Meticulous manners? It goes without saying. This primer covers age-old unspoken rules, modern-day twists, and Palm Beach particulars for impeccable guesting.
Pre-Party Protocols
#1. RSVP ASAP: Unless you aim to show how little you value the host’s time and effort, RSVP as soon as you know your plans. The deadline is the latest acceptable time—no exceptions, no grey area. RSVP ASAP—end of story.
#2. Dietary Disclosures: As a modern dining dilemma, dietary disclosures lack deep-rooted etiquette traditions. Historically, guests adhered to a “you get what you get and you don’t get upset” approach. Today, with dietary restrictions becoming more and more common, there are unwritten rules every party-goer should adhere to:
- Keep personal preferences private—This isn’t about your aversion to olives. Share only genuine medical or allergy-related restrictions.
- Consider your host on a need-to-know—If it’s not a seated dinner, they do not need to know.
- Reveal with your RSVP (or not at all)— Late responders lose the right to special requests
- Less is More: State your needs briefly and show appreciation quietly. This is not the YOU show.
#3. Gift with Gusto: Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of every host that ever was; presenting flowers upon arrival is a burden not a blessing. Here are some considerations to help guide you when it comes to gifting as a guest and on the right, some suggestions. Click the photo for details.
Do’s & Dont’s
- Don’t show up empty-handed.
- Don’t bring wine for a host who missed his calling as a master sommelier (unless you are one yourself).
- Don’t bring scented candles (scented anything really).
- Don’t bring an unexpected contribution to the evening.
- Do opt for anything that is premium and delicious. Such as artisanal chocolates, exquisite olive oil, or for something a little “extra” caviar (Altima Caviar, of course!).
- Do bring a gift they can use at the next event. Such as wine charms, conversation cards, relevant cocktail napkins, or a wine chiller.
- Do consider something practical — a box of occasion cards is a universal win.
- Special Circumstances: If the host is a close friend, DO offer something that contributes to the evening; your time, dessert, wine – anything goes so long as it has been discussed prior to the event.
Gift Ideas
#4 Party Punctuality: The only thing worse than arriving late? Arriving early. Aim to show up within ten minutes of the designated time on the invite.
Gracious Guesting
#5. How Can I Help? At an intimate family dinner, clearing the table is a given. But at an event with full-service staff, support your host with a different approach. Think less hands-on, more eyes-open. Your host’s glass is a great place to focus your attention—a quiet drink refill can speak volumes and show you’re attentively present. Most importantly, be friendly and fabulous! Which brings me to my next point…
#6. Connect, Converse, and Comingle: The most gracious guests are masters of mingling! Step out of your comfort zone, socialize beyond your usual circle, and gain gold guest status every time.
#7. Contain Controversy: If a discussion starts heading in a contentious direction, diffuse and redirect with a simple “let’s agree to disagree,” followed by an interesting tidbit: “Did you know the Eiffel Tower was originally meant to be dismantled after 20 years, but was saved because it turned out to be an excellent radio antenna?” Side-note and shameless plug: Check out Table Talk: The Caviar Edition on the Altima Scoop for fun facts and conversation-worthy quips.
#8. Admiration, Not Interrogation: Compliment the décor or art with genuine appreciation, but avoid probing questions. Keep your compliments subtle and always steer clear of inquiries about cost.
#9. Digital Dignity: Remember, you’re in someone’s home. Seek permission before posting, focus on people rather than home décor, get consent before tagging anyone, and skip location tags altogether.
Dining Decorum
#10. Back to the Basics: These are as fundamental as “put your napkin on your lap,” yet are so often overlooked.
- Resist the urge to claim a spot at the table until prompted to do so.
- If it is a seated dinner and there is a self-serve station/buffet situation, hold off on serving yourself until the host gives the signal.
- Wait to start eating until everyone seated at your table is served.
#11. Know Your “Dinner Partner”: When attending a seated dinner with assigned seating, be mindful of your “dinner partner.” Traditionally, the seating alternated between men and women, with men placed to the right of their partners and women to the left. This arrangement guided conversation, with women engaging mainly with the person on their left and men with the person on their right. If you encounter an awkward silence, sticking to this classic seating practice can be a reliable way to navigate the conversation. In Palm Beach, old-world etiquette is always in style!
#12. “Go” with Grace: A simple “excuse me” is all that’s needed when taking a temporary leave from the table. Any more detail is TMI.
Exit Strategies & Actionable Items
#13. Last to Leave, First to Regret: Don’t be “that” guest. Watch for your host’s cues—dimmed lights or soft music signal that it’s time to make your exit. If the host shifts from mingling to tidying up, whether or not there was service staff, you’ve missed the window. Time to join the cleanup crew!
#14. Follow Up with Savoir-Faire: Whether it’s a casual call to the host, also known as your sister, a text to your hostess/best friend, or a handwritten note to anyone else, follow-up is standard, expected, and the only acceptable après-party protocol.
The Golden Rule of Guest Etiquette: A Few Final Words of Wisdom
Etiquette is not a mere list of do’s and dont’s. Etiquette, however, is the alignment of respect (due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others) and consideration (the empathetic practice of showing respect by behaving with due regard for specific circumstances). Let these principles guide you and gracious guest etiquette becomes a given! If that seems daunting, then let’s call it a list after all – one you’ll need to memorize (after which a bit of self-reflection might be in order).
*While etiquette offers universal guidelines for respect and consideration, manners are culturally and situationally dependent expressions. They vary by culture and context. The points listed under “Dining Decorum” are very specific to this part of the world.
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